Honesty Hurts

It's been a tough day.You know the kind where no matter what you do everything seems to fall apart and not make any sense whatsoever.On top of it all I just don't feel good.So needless to say everything is magnified to the extreme of what it actually is.

I HAD to get away.I did my devotion but it just didn't do it.I needed space from everyone in the house.As soon as Tim walked in...I walked out.He knew I was going,don't worry.But it definitely was a "see ya later" situation.

As I was driving I thought about this is a moment I could really use a good counselor.I have been to a couple and it pretty much always boiled down to I just need someone to listen.Not talk to but someone to be there and listen...JUST listen,y'know?

Then it hit me...of course!Well God is my Counselor.He listens.And the best part,He doesn't get bent out of shape with the things I say.I can be brutally honest and it's great!I'm good at being brutally honest if given the chance.That's all He wants from me...honesty.Because let's face it,if I can't be honest with Him,I am not being honest with myself.


...Lament is a pathway.
Honest expression to God makes a way for God to come and work His real healing.-Esther Fleece 

When I checked my e-mail a few moments ago I saw this quote.

I try not to be fake but completely genuine in all I do.Buuuut I have been fake.I've been faking fine.Not to everyone but most.And I am tired.It's exhausting fighting against the truth.Truly!So today it was an all out battle with being honest with myself.This morning sucked!Bad!Then I got out had a conversation with God and found relief.Not gonna lie,I am back to that struggle of honesty with my emotions just now.So soon,yes.But I realize that this is a pathway for healing for me.I have been suppressing and fighting my emotions so long no wonder it's been a bad day,right?!
Think of a flood of a emotions coming at you in one day that should have slowly come over you in about 10 years time.Yeah...not good.I am pretty angry,sad and other emotions that,to be honest,I am learning to recognize.This journey is interesting.Yes.But an adventure nonetheless.