Uncomfortable Truth

  It's probably not a huge surprise that after only one day of active listening I have heard quite a bit.Through what people's bodies say,their eyes speak but not only that, I hear God speaking to me through them.
   Today was hard...a good hard.The kind of hard where truth hits you in the face and it's good but it hurts because it's an uncomfortable positive.What is the truth that came at me like a wrecking ball? Love. Okay,stay with me.Love is hard and very much a powerful word.Some people get all bent out of shape if they hear the word hate because it's powerful,hurts and makes them feel uncomfortable.Well I am actually the opposite.Some people may think that's weird but it's just part of my struggle.God is really working on my heart and I am learning to love.Like really "feel" deeply for others...but there is one thing in my way...me.I love people until it becomes uncomfortable,hurts or becomes just too overwhelming and then...it's time to move on.I hate that I have had this struggle but it doesn't have to take over my life.It doesn't have to win.It just means I have to try that much harder to break through and CONTINUE on in loving others no matter how hard it gets.

  The other part of it is,how can I love someone when I am uncomfortable being loved?I think this is actually where it all is rooted.Love your neighbor as yourself,y'know.Well when you don't love yourself or don't think you are worth loving then you will see your neighbor through those eyes as well.

  But no longer.God is saying no longer will I live like I am unloved.I know the truth.Now I need to live it out.It WILL get uncomfortable,hurt and try to overwhelm me.But it won't take me down.It will only be for a moment and He will carry me through.

We love because He first loved us.- 1 John 4:19

Thank you,Jesus,for showing me how to love.